There is a growing body of medical literature on gender differences in stress response. Most folks are familiar with the concept of “Fight or Flight”. Turns out those well-known fear and aggression reactions are far more dominant in men. Women have a completely different response to stress called “Tend and Befriend“. The female hormone oxytocin promotes the tendency for women to form stable, close attachments to each other, especially during times of stress.
Thus, after male mammals in a community under stress are done fighting with each other and busy fleeing, the females are left to tend the young and vulnerable. Fortunately, Mother Nature endowed us with oxytocin and its calming, beneficial effects. Instead of going postal, we go to lunch with each other.
So when a boatload of family trouble docked on my doorstep, I had my Girl Groups to help. In addition to my beloved quilting group, The Quilt Queens, and my brilliant writing group (no name), I was lucky enough to join not one, but two French conversation groups. These groups are full of oxytocin and all women of a certain age.
Merci mes amies. You are helping me survive.
Tend and Befriend: it works for me!
Janauary 24, 2006
Cynthia Tuttelman (aka "Tut") is a writer, family doctor and quilter who lives in Northern California and part-time each year in Paris, France. Follow along and explore the wonders of Paris.